(ETW April Fools) Elon Musk Unveils Fully-Built Hyperloop Network Under Los Angeles


LOS ANGELES, CA – The City of Angels was alight with excitement – and not a small amount of confusion – today as commuters poured into its newly-opened Hyperloop system that stretches 100 miles in every direction from the city’s center.

Hyperloop is a high-speed passenger and freight transportation technology that propels pods through reduce-pressured tubes, has long been promised by SpaceX and its intellectual leader, Elon Musk, as a solution for America’s public transit woes.

The technology has long been viewed with skepticism in the transportation industry due to seemingly intractable challenges pertaining to regulatory oversight, funding, and logistics.

“I had a little bit of extra time this past week after our successful repurposing of already-used rockets to promote low-cost travel to space (and Mars) and… well, I really didn’t mean to build the whole thing at once, but figured that I should just create an entire network while I was at it,” Musk told ETW in an interview.

“I mean, why not? It was just a question of when, not if.”

These incidents are not uncommon for Musk, who woke up after a night of drinking to find himself in a completely developed city at the floor of the Pacific Ocean.

“Oh yeah,” he laughed when asked about the underwater city he has code named Atlantis. “I guess that was me.”

While impressive, Musk’s completed and fully operational rapid mass transit network that is completely funded by private sources does not yet have a business plan to support it.

When asked, Musk didn’t seem to have a plan for monetizing the concept – or even a method for charging riders.

“Oh,” he laughed, scratching his head. “I guess they can just pay whatever is fair.”

He reached for a notepad, “actually, what if people just bid online for each ride and then we create a Buy It Now option that’s paid through PayPal? Does anything exist like that?”

“Now that’s an idea!” The eBay founder and serial entrepreneur then wandered off, whispering a litany of groundbreaking new ideas in his assistant’s ear.

(Source: Celebrity Universe via YouTube)

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