(ETW April Fools) The Little VP Who Could: Joe Biden Riding the Rails to Retirement


WILMINGTON, DE – For several weeks, passengers riding the Amtrak Northeast Corridor between Washington, DC and Wilmington, DE have reported seeing a train conductor who looks uncannily like the 47th Vice President of the United States.

When asked for details, witnesses reported a friendly older gentleman in aviator sunglasses walking up and down the train collecting tickets. For a while, Amtrak denied these reports, but an investigation into the sightings revealed one crucial detail that without a doubt confirms the mysterious conductor as Joe Biden.

“I noticed a bracelet on his wrist as he was handing me back my ticket,” explained Delaware native Bethany Rehoboth. “The bracelet was made of braided string with plastic block letters spelling out ‘Barack’.”

Political wonks will recall Biden tweeted a picture of matching friendship bracelets on President Barack Obama’s 55th birthday in August 2016. The content of the tweet included Biden referring to the former-President as a “best friend forever.”

When presented with all the evidence, Amtrak could no longer deny the allegations.

“Yes, we can confirm the former-Vice President Joe Biden has been working as a train conductor since early February,” said an Amtrak spokesperson.

“After working in the White House for 8 years, Mr. Biden was looking for a change and he wanted to be back among the people. We did not announce our newest employee because of his high profile status and his desire to blend in as a private citizen,” explained Amtrak. “Working as a train conductor seemed like the perfect fit, after all the Wilmington station is named after him.”

When asked if he is getting compensated for his work, the Amtrak spokesperson said, “Mr. Biden has refused payment, asking for “great benefits” instead – which, for him, seems to mean unlimited ice cream cones from the dining car whenever he rides the train.”

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